I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
