She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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