You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
