I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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