we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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