now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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