Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
