My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
