they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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