saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
NoShamevember. You game?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
