Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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