oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
