Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
