Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
