there's paper in my vomit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
