Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
