Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
