oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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