whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
