The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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