There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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