awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
