ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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