I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
