i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
