So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
