google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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