I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
