What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
