On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
