you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
