You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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