I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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