I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
