Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
two words...techno handjob
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
FUCK WHALES
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