I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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