I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
