Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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