He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
