Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
