I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
