why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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