well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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