3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
