Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
