it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
