I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
