Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
