All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
