I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
