It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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