I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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